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Time for change - Random thoughts

The last few weeks have been extremely difficult. I don't think I want to share a lot of it publicly. I need to grieve in my own way and by myself. I have been mostly uncommunicative in the last two weeks and I need to get it all out without perceived judgment. Most people have been wonderfully supportive and I have received many letters and phone calls of love and support. I am so very grateful for that. Some people have been remarkably inappropriate. Ah well. Some people's mothers didn't raise them right.

My mother and older sister have been unusually supportive. I think they know that this is very tough for me. My husband has been unusually clingy as well. I think he is feeling his mortality at the moment.

I feel like I need to wipe the slate clean in a lot of ways. I really am craving change. Mostly with myself and taking the initiative to do that which I need to do and that which I enjoy instead of constantly denying myself. I need to get on it today.

I have been obsessed with re-decorating my house lately. I have no money to do this, mind you. But I love to look at pictures and ideas. I need to feel beauty in my home, which is sorely lacking right now

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
smartlikeatruck
Jul. 8th, 2010 10:22 pm (UTC)
I really do adore you, Roxy. Everyone deals with loss in their own way, in their own time. More than anything, I hope you are kind to yourself for a while. Many people forget to be that, forget that they deserve it, too.

risaaaaa
Jul. 8th, 2010 11:13 pm (UTC)
I am always amazed at the inappropriate things people say during these kind of situations. When I had the miscarriage a few years ago I was absolutely floored at some of the comments that came out of people's mouths. I like your attitude about change! It sounds very positive and I'm sure after all of the sadness of the past few weeks it feels good to feel that way. As far as redecorating...sometimes just rearranging a room and taking a piece out here and putting a piece in there can make a huge difference and still stays budget friendly.
jewelrose
Jul. 13th, 2010 08:50 pm (UTC)
Hugs
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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